I found some shade and set my chair down at the picnic get-together.    The guy sitting next to me is several years older than me, well educated and very nice.  Well into the conversation, he said he was confirmed as a Catholic but was now an atheist. It was my turn to speak, this is pretty much what I said.

As a kid, most of my friends were Catholic.  I was confirmed at Falcon Heights Congregational Church. The chapel was relatively new, not huge, brick structure. I remember it had small stained glass windows in the front but long, narrow stained glass windows on the left side. The Sunday school wing had about five or six block-wall classrooms. 

I went to Sunday school until the middle of 5th grade when I was kicked out.  Apparently they had enough of my questions and comments. I made numerous and repeated statements like: nobody could be swallowed by a whale and live to tell the story.  After he slayed the giant, were there other giants? You get the idea. I was an inquisitive kid with a mind of my own.  

Mom got a call saying it was best for me to be in the church rather than Sunday school.  So from then until I was confirmed, mom and I sat about two-thirds of the way back, next to the wall, on the left side of the sanctuary.  I actually liked church. 

Once I was in seventh grade, I attended Wednesday night confirmation lessons.  All of the confirmands were required to attend church. I was no longer different than the other kids. My first real kiss was with a girl named LuAnne at a church camp, confirmation New Year’s Eve overnight party.    

About a week from confirmation.  Each confirmand, including me, was scheduled to meet individually with the pastor for 15 minutes. The pastor was in his late 50’s, Yale-educated, a little full of himself, a little straight-laced, but caring and generally kind.  

He asked if I believed in God.  I said I was on the fence. We discussed it.  For the next 45 minutes, I held my own as we discussed whether there was a God and my suitability to join the church.  I pointed out some of his sermons were inconsistent with what he said in other sermons. He got defensive. I sensed it and pointed out, obviously, he was also confused. You get the idea.  

He called my mom saying unless I answer the question, “Do you believe in God?” with a simple, “Yes”, he would not sign off on me being confirmed.  

Mom and I had a chat.  Not so much about religion, more about embarrassment and learning to go with the flow. We came to an agreement.  If I said, “Yes, I believed in God without reservation, ” she would not insist I go to church thereafter. Seemed fair.  In my head, I would say “yes”, outloud, in unison with a group of about 20 other eighth-graders, eat a wafer, drink a little grape juice and walk out the door never to look back. 

A week later, the ceremony started and almost immediately I was individually called up to the front of the church and baptized.  I was not told beforehand that I had not been previously baptized nor that I was about to be, at age 12, baptized in front of a church load of people.  I was embarrassed.

Mom said, “Sorry, I thought you knew”.  I would have negotiated a private baptism. 

So here we are 55 years later.  Linda and I had the kids baptized when they were infants. We brought them to Sunday school. They got confirmed.  In short, we did the family at church thing. I even did a stint on the church council. 

I am still on the fence about God.  Since then I came to realize my reality is more about what I believe and less about verifiable proof.  It is my choice as to what I believe. I choose to be on the fence.  

As for the church.  For me, churches are social organizations.  They are like a club. Like-minded people join and socialize with each other.  Humans are social beings and churches filled the need to belong, for some of us. 

As time has passed my faith has deepened.  I deeply believe we should all work to make tomorrow better than today because I have faith that tomorrow can be better.  I believe strongly that even when the odds are stacked against us, to our last breath, we should all have faith and hope for the future.

As I matured I realized virtually all religions and all non-religious people pretty much agree, it is morally best to do unto others as you would have them do unto you.  Treating others as we wish to be treated is not just a religion thing. 

So, I had an emotional reaction when recalling the story of my confirmation.  That was a long time ago. My reaction surprised me.  

I cannot help but wonder. Church attendance worldwide is decreasing.  One explanation, people are finding more, non-church, ways to feel they belong.  Maybe another explanation is the church is paying the price for rejecting those who are unsure of what they believe.

The closer you look the more you see

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