Being unique

For this post you need to know that the combination of our traits and characteristics are what makes each of us the unique persons we are.  Yes, others can have many of the same traits and characteristics as each of us have.  However, nobody has the same combination of traits and characteristics as you have.    You are unique. 

So 52 years ago, I was a twenty year old student at the University of Minnesota, taking a class on the Psychology of Individual Differences.  The psychology of individual differences is the study of how people differ from one another in terms of their psychological characteristics, such as personality, intelligence, and motivation. The idea is to understand the causes and consequences of our differences and how they shape our experiences and behaviors.

Individual differences are influenced by genetic, environmental, and cultural factors. Our genes provide us with a basic blueprint for our physical and psychological traits, but our environment and culture also play a significant role in shaping who we are.

Here is an example. Being tall is helpful for being a good basketball player. Height is inherited.   However, practice, coaching, nutrition, and literally hundreds of other factors, in addition to being tall, are all part of actually becoming a good basketball player.  

Back to class, the professor gives us a general knowledge quiz. The last question is what color is your hair.   The teaching assistants quickly correct the test and run some statistics. While they do that, the professor proceeds with his lecture giving several examples of individual differences that collectively make people unique individuals.   

For example, some people who do good in math often also do better in science.  However, some people who do good in math dislike science for all sorts of reasons.    People who enjoy talking to other people might be better at sales.  He was quick to point out that many professors also like to talk. You get the idea.  

So while he is lecturing, one of the many examples he gave was that statistically blondes actually score lower on general knowledge tests than people with other hair colors.  He said it matter of factly and he then proceeded on to other examples of what makes us unique from one another.  Never again mentioning statistics related to being blonde. 

Then, later in the class, we take another general knowledge quiz. We hand them in and the teaching assistants score the test quickly.  On the first test every hair color had the same average score. However, on the second test, on average,  the blondes scored a bit worse than they did on the first test.  Every other hair color group stayed the same.  

Even fifty-two years ago, the power of feedback, both positive and negative, was recognized.  The professor said, in fact,  hair color is not relevant to general knowledge in any way.  However, if people believe it is relevant, then for all practical purposes, it makes a difference.  

For better or for worse, most of us are influenced by feedback we get from others.  Being told that you have a hair color that makes you not quite as smart, is enough to affect your performance.  

Teachers, parents, siblings, neighbors, strangers and others  give us feedback about our traits and characteristics all of the time.  That feedback often affects us in many ways, including changing how we perceive ourselves.   Being told you are bad at math, might make you try harder, however, it probably makes you feel you are somehow inherently not good at math.  So why bother to try hard. 

Think about how often, and how many ways you get feedback about yourself.  Mostly we pretend to ignore it, however, consciously or not, the feedback we get is internalized. What you do with that feedback is up to you. Do you choose to be motivated to try harder or are you motivated to accept your perceived limitations? 

Today we call this a feedback loop. We process the information fed back to us and, consciously or unconsciously, we use that feedback to help inform ourselves about ourselves.  Being told you are funny encourages you to try to be funny. Being told you are tall doesn’t make you taller however you might feel like you are taller. 

Back in that class, the professor warned us vigorously, be very careful what we feedback to others.  The feedback you give to others can have real world implications for their self image.  Remember this was an upper level psychology course, and many of my fellow students would be working with people who had serious mental health issues to deal with.

This story is not about how smart blondes are.  This story is about remembering the feedback you give others affects them. Our individual differences, quite literally make us the unique individuals we are.  Telling someone their individual differences is a negative thing is a bad thing to do. Hair color is not relevant to most anything.  Just saying. 

My genes make it hard for me to ever win a race or be a great mechanic. However, I was accepted into the University of Minnesota despite having horrible grades in high school because they relied on my ACT test scores, not my grades.  

We all are who we are with the traits and characteristics that we have.  Remember, all of your traits and characteristics were good enough that you survived to read this post. 

Be cautious when giving others negative feedback based on their individual differences. Almost nobody tries to do poorly.  Remember to emphasize the things a person does well.  

We all are unique. Unique is not a bad thing to be. Have you ever wondered how life would be different if you were told, repeatedly over a long time, your hair color makes you smarter? 

The closer you look the more you see.