The list of stupid things I’ve done and the resulting lessons learned is long and varied. The point being, not stupid, just learning my lessons.

We were married but pre kids. We bought a Dodge Aspen station wagon on a cold day in the middle of winter. Do you want air conditioning? Nope, never had AC before, don’t need it now. Six months later, mid-July, road trip to the Black Hills then down the Rocky Mountains to Colorado Springs and then home. Ninety-five degrees. AC sure would have been nice.

Per Merrriam / Websters dictionary, stupid means: ”having or showing a lack of ability to learn and understand things”. Technically, saying no to air conditioning saved a couple bucks on the monthly payment but ended up as a lesson learned from a mistake made. All of our cars since then have had air conditioning.

We all sometimes say or do things which could be called stupid. None of us are perfect. If we learn from our mistakes, we are of course, not actually stupid. So, next time someone calls you stupid, let them know you were maybe wrong but you will learn from your mistakes. Maybe to emphasize the point, say something mature like; “I know you are but what am I”. That’ll teach um.

Calling someone stupid is a harsh insult. It is one thing to tell someone they are wrong. Tommy you are wrong, two plus two does not equal five. It is a whole other thing to tell a person they are stupid. Tommy you are stupid because two plus two does not equal five. Telling Tommy he is stupid implies Tommy lacks the ability to learn that 2 + 2 = 22. (inside joke only my daughters are likely to understand)

Yes I’m sure I’ve called a person stupid in my life but it is an insult I try to not use. First off it is never literally true. Virtually everyone has the ability to learn and understand. Yes, some learn faster than others. Yes, some lessons require a background which some of us do not have. Trying to teach me to knit is hopeless.

When the stupid jerk flew past me on the freeway, my car windows were closed and he was several blocks away by the time I called him a stupid jerk. The risk of him knowing I insulted him was almost nil. I’m not sure it is actually insulting someone when they cannot possibly hear the insult. That said, whether or not he heard me, objectively I did no good by calling him stupid.

I looked it up. Here is the real problem with driving recklessly. “Reckless driving carries with it a substantially increased accident risk. Traveling at excessive speeds requires a much faster response time and can lead to significantly greater injuries to you and others, if you do have an accident. Not only that, reckless driving can carry other severe penalties. Tickets and fines.”

We all hope the reckless drivers learn to drive less recklessly. Calling them stupid as they fly past is not an effective strategy to getting him to stop recklessly swerving in and out of traffic. The more intelligent strategy would be to treat the incident as a reminder to ourselves to drive safely. Being upset with the stupid jerk makes you a less safe driver because you were upset instead of focusing on your own driving.

I know what offsides means in hockey and you’d think most hockey referees would also know. Which is why it is so baffling that over the years, referees often miss offsides calls against the other team and call unwarranted offsides on the team I support. For the record I do not think these referees are stupid. More likely they are diabolical geniuses with a personal grudge against me.

Remember the childhood maxim, I’m rubber you’re glue, your words bounce off me and stick to you. Those who insult a person by calling them stupid come dangerously close to proving the maxim true. If Timmy calls Tommy stupid, Timmy is publicly stating something which is, in fact wrong. Which is not a bright thing to do.

When we learn from our experiences, by definition we are not stupid. Most everyone learns from their experiences so like nobody is actually stupid. However, in the real world, it is common for people to insult others by calling them stupid.

Kidding aside, psychologically there are two basic problems with being called stupid. We all live in a social hierarchy. Labeling a person as stupid, in a sense demotes them within the hierarchy or even makes them feel like an outcast from the group. Which is bad. In addition, calling someone stupid can diminish their self-respect.

Feeling good about yourself and feeling supported by others is like a basic human need. Being called stupid hurts both.

For example, Tommy sits in the back of the classroom drawing as he always does. The teacher asks him what Shakespeare meant when he wrote: ‘Now is the winter of our discontent’ and Tommy quietly says Shakespeare must not like winter.

When Timmy turns to Tommy and calls him stupid, it hurts Tommy’s self-esteem and his standing in the class. Tommy decides he should just shut up and keep his head down instead of showing the teacher the drawing he was making of a person looking from a bleak winter scene into a sublime spring scene. Which would have been actually close to genius.

Insulting people is rarely a good strategy and most often backfires. Do unto others as we wish they do unto you. If I am doing something wrong, quietly remind me about what is right, don’t diminish me. I will try to do the same for you.

So here is the game I used to play with my young daughters. I’d ask what is 2 + 2? If they answered 4. I would shake my head and say, nope it is 22. If they answered 22, I would say nope the answer is 4. It was a fun (for me) way to help them understand there are most often, multiple correct answers to most questions. Even basic ones. Which, I think is not stupid.

The closer you look the more you will see.