I turned 69 on June 26, 2021. I am in my 70th year of life. Some people my age are getting old. Not all of us, of course. Certainly not me. Age is relative. When you’re ten, being told you’re getting old is patronizing but appreciated. When you’re my age being told your “old” is a mild insult.

How do I feel about being the age I am? Mixed. Happy I made it this far, not so happy I am this far along the journey. I don’t want to be younger. With age comes an outlook which is quite liberating. It’s not that I don’t care what others think. It’s more like what makes me happy is given more weight in my decisions than what others think about me.

The Life expectancy calculator I found online gives me about a fifty / fifty odds of reaching eighty-six. So my goal is to be among the fifty percent that survives past age eighty-six. Although I do not want to be kept in a vegetative state in order to reach eighty-six. I just want to be relatively active and happy for as long as possible.

I am not as sharp mentally as I once was and yet, probably sharper now than I will be. I am still physically active. Not as active as I used to be but probably more active than I will be in the future. I am still cognitively here. I read, understand and remember books. Although I often forget people’s names, which has been true most of my life.

I have hearing aids but even with them, my hearing is still not great. I’ve had both kidney cancer and prostate cancer. Both were caught early and both of which were dealt with. Both surgeries were done robotically. Each with several small incisions. My abdomen looks like I’ve been in a knife fight. The odds of either of my cancer’s returning are pretty small. However, I will be scanned and tested annually for the remainder of my life.

The thing about life is it continues until it doesn’t. Most people my age have known many people who are now dead. Friends, relatives, acquaintances, people you worked with, people you played a sport with, and the list goes on. Some died suddenly, others knew they were dying before they died. The deaths were all too soon, but often it was a blessing their suffering was ended.

There is some peace accepting life for what it is: a blessing which will not last forever. Time stops for nobody. Kids grow up unless they don’t. Yup, I knew a couple different kids who did not make it to adulthood. Adults mature into senior citizens, unless they don’t. Senior citizens remain senior citizens until the end.

It’s been my observation that there is a wide range of how senior citizens proceed with their lives. Some sort of “turn off”, or maybe a better phrase is “give in”. They don’t do much except sit around complaining about not doing much. There are others who are almost hyper-active because they believe if they slow down that will be the end.

Personally, I am up for moderate exercise. I still rollerblade but only on a very flat surface in good conditions. I go on walks in the neighborhood and on trails in state parks. I like to mow my lawn but have accepted there will come a day when I will hire a lawn service. I now take as much pride in having someone fix something for me as I used to take in doing the thing myself. The goal is to keep things in repair, how the goal is accomplished is no longer that relevant to me.

I also love taking an afternoon nap. I like to write, listen to podcasts and play a bit of solitaire on my devices. I like talking to folks. I also like some alone time to read and think about stuff.

The COVID pandemic sucked and I worried we lost a year. In hindsight, the year was not lost at all, it was just a different experience than normal. I actually gained a new respect for life and the importance of interacting with others. On balance, I wish the pandemic didn’t happen but I don’t regret having lived through it.

As my 69th birthday approached I became rather unsettled and glum. In my head I was trying to come to grips with being an age I used to think was “old”. One day passed on to the next and life moved along. Soon most of the time when I looked in the mirror, I saw a happy person looking back at me.

Being an age or not being an age, it turns out has no bearing on my happiness. There is no deep philosophy or life changing insights needed for me to be happy. I don’t need some new gadget or wild intriguing experience to make me happy. I just am happy to be me and I am the age I am. I’m just happy I made it this far.

I don’t miss being young. Looking back it is easy to see some of the missteps I made along the way. In fairness to myself, I also did some pretty clever things back in the day. Could of, should of, is a stupid game to play. Look how cool I was is just as stupid of a game. I try to live in the present.

Today’s kids live in a very different world than I grew up in. Most of my friends are around my age however, it’s a fact, the vast majority of people on earth are younger than I am. I just want to say to all those younger than me, thanks for tolerating me and in fact generally being so supportive. I truly do appreciate it.

The closer you look the more you see.